by Shelby Brawley

 Soap is soap, right? That's what I thought! Oh and everyone makes it or their grandmother used to make it. So how difficult could it be in this world of microwaves and refrigerators and chemicals? Yeah, right.

I guess I should back up and let you know that on one Sunday as I was doing my duty as a good horse lover, attempting to take the rectal temperature of my fiance's most nasty mare, who was acting colicky, I was kicked in the shin.I was knocked right off the fence that I was sure was going to be my protection during this ordeal. Unfortunately the kick and the tiny hole in my shin turned out to be a broken leg...Fortunately, it also turned out to be my shuttle to the Goats Milk soap world!

Unable to return to work,or anything else it seemed, I grew very bored and within weeks I was bored out of my mind. I was unable to even walk to the kitchen to get myself juice in the morning. I needed help with everything you can imagine and more. During this time I also had three does close to kidding. Luckily two of my does had decided to deliver at the same time on the same day, prior to accident, but while I was at work.I am a Paramedic and was working the local ambulance detail when I received the panicked phone call from my mother. Well, these gals did just fine but now I was going to be home alone, on crutches. Good thing I had my ole baby monitor up and running, it would really save me some time on that 10 minute hobble to the barn!

Wanda, my pygmy, was first and gave birth to three little blue eyed does. All three came breech. They were all healthy and I felt actually lucky at that point to have been home for the occasion. I felt somehow I'd found a purpose for this injury. Certainly the first would have been stuck and without my assistance, I could have lost all three. I also felt fortunate to have had months and months of preparation from my wonderful friends on my goat list so I knew what to expect and what to do. All in all it was a great experience.

Within another few weeks, my Obe doe Cleopatra went into labor and appeared to be struggling with the first kid. His head was out and its huge! (Ceasar the Boer was daddy after all). I was able to quickly get the airway clear and then we sort of waited. Finally, Bruce tired of his "let nature take its course" speech and helps me in my full leg purple cast over to the situation. Grizzly was a big boy! I had to go in twice for him and couldn't find his darned feet! Finally on the second try I felt his little feet up near the side and was able to help him out. The doe, Precious came out like a champ. So, now they are both nursing the same side! Yikes..what to do now. Of course I consult my panel of experts on the Homedairygoats list. I am quickly told I need to milk out the other side. Oh sure. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have never milked before and I'm on crutches..and not very coordinated at that! Lucky for me, Cleopatra was  no newbie at this and hopped right up onto the stand. It took some practice but soon I enjoyed this goat milking! We all took turns and laughed and when we were done, Cleopatra would hop down and go back to the barn. It was great.

So after I started milking and I kept milking and storing milk. I'm not a milk drinker and my mother doesn't care for it either. Bruce was the only one drinking milk and since I was off work with this leg injury he was at work most of the time trying to make money. So I began to research, everyone on the goat lists were so nice. I kept hearing about soap making and thought, just how hard could it be? I collected recipe after recipe, printing them, waiting for the day I would prop myself up in the kitchen and try this project. This is when I started to get confused. Everyone's recipe was basically the same, yet different.

 One concoction would call for 4 pounds of lard and 1/2 can of lye. The next would read 3 pounds of lard, 12 oz of lye. Yet another would call for 6 pounds and a whole can but it depends on the old can or the new can because one of them is now larger...YIKES!! I couldn't get this figured out! Then there were all these ingredients, colors, scents! Wait 4 weeks to "cure" ? what the heck is that all about? I can't wait for anything!

Meanwhile, I am living in a remodeling project and my kitchen consists of a refrigerator and a microwave. My mother, who lives down the hill and past the barn is threatening that if I blow up her kitchen she will never forgive me and I should try this outside!

Soon I gathered all my ingredients, chose a day when I would have the place to myself, in case I did blow the place up I would have time to pack up before anyone found out! I assembled all my recipes and began...I just kind of tried to take the general consensus of the receipes and create something down the middle.

What the heck, bright orange and it stinks like a hair salon! I was nervous..I mixed and I mixed and nothing .. None of this "tracing" I keep reading about. Oh well, after I had exhausted three or four bottles of coloring (different ones I might add because none of them did anything) and a bottle of vanilla scent, I gave up,I poured my goo into the pan and covered it with a towel, relieved that at least it was over. The kitchen was still standing. By morning, needless to say my final project was GROSS. It was the color of the vomit in the Exorcist and smelled like a bad perm. Oh it hardened up alright but ugly.

Luckily for me, I did not give up. Since then I have made all sorts of lye soap combinations and goats milk and glycerin soaps (which I found are less dangerous and give me more creative license so to speak) so I have settled on that one. Even my second batch turned out better than that initial disaster..and even that one did not stay green.

Since that day, I am still milking Cleopatra and now that her kids are weaned I have a nice steady milk supply. I have even ventured into the cheese making. I have actually built a nice little group of what we call "Soap Addicts" over the Internet. Everyone who has tried my soap loves it and has nice soft skin and smells pretty good too. I have continued to expand and experiment and create and have recently made big square blocks that weigh a full 8 ounces for those true die hard soap addicts! Lotions are next. This is really fun, now.

So, for all you goat lovers and goat milkers who have not attempted to wade into the soap world, go ahead and try it! There are many people who can advise you and even more receipes! All in all, even if you don't create a beautiful, yummy smelling product that will leave your skin as soft as a baby goats nose..or as fragrant as a fresh field of lavender, you can always pour it down the sink. It works great for clogged pipes!

 Note: Next time Shelby will start sharing some informative tips and essentials with you!

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not.

Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold, and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared for a cold winter.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find.

Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely, we made a study " the weather man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy

Lady of the house: "I want you to stand at the front door and call the guests' names as they arrive."

Butler: "Very well, madam. I've wanted to do that for years."